Religious Trauma: Purity Culture

I remember the first time I walked into a hot yoga class wearing leggings and a sports bra (this was not that long ago). I had so much apprehension and anxiety, not about the class, but about what I was wearing. Now before you write that off as ridiculous, I want you to hear me out. I grew up immersed in purity culture where I was taught that one of my jobs as a woman (who was a child at the time) was to always be aware of what I was wearing because it was my responsibility if a man was tempted to sin by seeing the shape of my body, let alone any skin. This teaching was pervasive, and even with doing all of my own work, this belief is still deeply rooted to the point where it still impacts me. 

If you grew up in the 90’s in some conservative religious communities you may have heard the words “purity culture” and you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you didn’t grow up in that arena, purity culture is a movement that happened in the 90’s within Christianity that emphasized sexual abstinence until marriage, which was to be between one man and one woman, no other gender/sexuality combination. Abstinence in this case looked like no sex, no sexual touching, no kissing, no pornography, no masturbation, not even appreciating someone’s attractiveness - nothing. This was preached from pulpits to the whole community but with a major focus on pre-teen, high school students, and young adults as they were the ones who weren’t married and most likely to fall into the sin of impurity. 

This movement sometimes went so far as to shun individuals who participated in any type of sexual activity, or would make them confess publicly to the community as a whole so they could be forgiven and kept accountable. Either of these options causing significant shame and humiliation for the individual. Sometimes it did not go to this extreme and there was just this belief taught that sexuality essentially was wrong and sinful. There was a book that was written “I kissed dating goodbye,” which the author has since apologized for, that encouraged this entire generation to not date because of the purity culture movement and maintaining purity. That dating was for the purpose of marriage only, and that dating outside of that purpose was wrong, sinful, and would lead people “astray” into impurity.  

This type of teaching has impacted millions of young people and their children, causing trauma where people have felt like they have had to cut off and deny an entire part of themselves. Sexuality was never taught. In the confines of marriage, it was taught that a woman should please her husband and that was the extent of it. There were never discussions around the spectrum of sexuality and that sexuality is a normal, healthy part of being human. 

The impact of this teaching caused people to live in a constant state of fear of being found out if they engaged in any form of sexual behaviour. They lived/live in a state of shame - beating themselves up for being sinful, being seductive, being impure or their bodies responding in ways that bodies do to stimuli that are beyond their control. There was and is a pervasive fear of being found out and being publicly humiliated and shamed in front of the community. This has impacted people’s ability to have conversations about sex and sexuality, their ability to have healthy sexual relationships, and their ability to have a healthy sense of sexuality for themselves. They lived/live in a constant state of fear because of what they’ve been taught, and starting to unpack these beliefs can take a long time. It’s really important to be gentle with yourself as you figure out what you believe about sexuality and yourself and what has been taught to you that you agree with and disagree with. 

If you are on this journey already or are discovering that this is part of your story we would strongly encourage you to reach out to a therapist. A therapist can help you unpack what the beliefs are, the impact of these experiences, and how you want to move forward with your life. If you’re not connected to one already, feel free to reach out to us. We would be happy to plug you into someone on our team. If you’d rather see someone not on our team, still reach out and we can try to plug you into someone that you think would be a good fit.