What Does Attachment Have To Do With It? Secure Attachment

Secure Attachment is one of those attachment styles that Google suggests is the most common type of attachment; however, I personally disagree because of what I’ve seen in my clients’ relationships, family and friends. Secure Attachment is when someone feels ok being on their own, ok being emotionally intimate with others and there is no real distress in either realm. These individuals often feel confidence in their own independence and ability to cope with the world and the challenges that come their way because they know that they have people who love and support them. 

Imagine that person in your life who is comfortable being close and emotionally connected in their relationships. They can go deep emotionally with others. When they’re experiencing a conflict in life they seek out relationships to talk through it and work through it and they feel safe being emotionally vulnerable with others. At the same time they can cope with challenges on their own. They feel safe and comfortable being on their own and don’t panic when someone doesn’t respond to a message or phone call right away. 

Secure Attachment develops when the child is young (0-5yrs). This child feels safe exploring the world and they start playing close to their caregiver. They then start to expand and explore further and further away from their caregiver. If they feel hesitant, they’ll look back and see that their caregiver is there - that they see them and are paying attention to the child. This makes the child feel safe again and will continue to play and explore. The child feels confident knowing that their caregiver is present and able to comfort them should something happen. This builds trust and a sense of safety and security in relationships.  

You’ll notice that individuals with a Secure Attachment style often have a sense of self, are confident in their abilities, value, and are able to take on challenges without feeling debilitated or highly anxious. Growing up with a Secure Attachment to caregivers enables these individuals to develop a healthy view of themselves, others and the world. 

Attachment trauma in individuals with Secure Attachment looks different because though they may have experienced a traumatic incident in relationships, they’re typically able to bounce back faster. This is due to the resiliency that was developed throughout their childhood because their needs were met. 

Knowing and seeing Secure Attachment can be really helpful as it can show us what healthy relationships could look like. This can provide us with a framework of what it can look like and what it feels like to be in relationships with others in a safe and secure way. 

If you’re wanting to explore your attachment style and how it has impacted and currently impacting your life, feel free to connect with us. We’d love to chat with you.