Coping With Grief

Coping with grief is tricky because it looks different for each person.
Grief is somewhat of an old friend for me. We’ve been through a lot of life together and I’ve learned along the way to invite grief along as an old friend instead of fighting them the whole way. That was one of the first lessons I learned early on, as it's always had something to teach me along the way.

Secondly, it’s the power of permission. Giving myself permission to do what I need to do, regardless of what the people around me want from me. If I need a break, a night off, a sick day at work, or ordering food because I know that’s how I need to care for myself, all of those things are ok. If I have plans with people and I find that I just can’t do it today, I can cancel and not beat myself or feel guilty up about it because I’m listening to what I need first. Giving myself permission to do what I needed to do was a powerful part of the grief process and it's taught me a lot about myself along the way. 

Thirdly, it's been the power of connection. Some of the best moments in the deepest states of my intense grief were spent with people. We weren’t doing or even talking about anything, but they just knew that I needed them around to watch a show, to be in the same room and to not talk. In some moments it was because they just knew I needed it since we’ve been in relationship with me for so long and other times I would outright ask them to come and stay, because I knew I needed someone around. The power of connection is so important in the grief process and this can be even more challenging if part of the grief is due to the loss of connection. This means that you may have to tap into some other ways of connecting. It could look like spending time with a pet, family member, friend, partner, weighted blanket, stuffed animal, or something cozy. Though some of these things aren’t human connection, they can help mimic some of the feelings that we get with connection. 

Lastly - at least for now - one of those most important ways that I've learned how to cope is to talk about it. Often we don’t talk about grief because we don’t want to be a burden or sound like a broken record. It doesn’t matter. Talk about it in whatever ways feels best. The more you talk about it and let it out the better. People want to listen, they want to support you, but they are just scared they are going to say or do the wrong thing and it’s going to make you sad. And sometimes what they don’t realize is that you already ARE sad, and it’s not going to change right away.

That said, if you don’t feel like there is someone that you can talk to, then journal about it, write it down, play it out in music, or act it out in a drama piece. Whatever you need to do to just let it out.

Remember, coping with grief is hard, it is easier though if we welcome it instead of fight it.

Til next time,
Julie