The Myth of Selfishness

As in my previous posts, I want to provide a trigger warning before you read any further. This post is about suicidality, and if this is a sensitive subject for you, please take care of yourself and skip this post.

One of my personal goals as a therapist is to share knowledge because I believe that knowledge is freedom; it's empowering. If something can be understood, it can be worked with. I entered this field with the desire to help people locate and take the steering wheel in their lives so they can begin steering with confidence and self-compassion. This can be quite a hurdle when we hear negative messaging about mental health. Although stigma is lessening, there's still messaging out there that interferes with our ability to be honest with ourselves and others and take care of our mental health. One of those messages I've heard along the way and advocated against is the misconception that suicide is selfish. While the impact on the people closest to a person struggling with suicidality or who died by suicide is devastating, the internal mechanisms that bring a person to this point and many of the reasons some consider suicide are evidence to the contrary.

As explained in my post, "Why Talk about Suicidality?" suicidality is an automatic stress response that can occur when a person feels there's no way out. As indicated in its name, it's an automatic system in the brain designed to protect from harm or pain. Reactions of this system are ingeniously designed to be immediate, reacting without consideration. So quickly in fact that any danger signals we take in with our eyes reach this part of the brain even before they reach the part of the brain responsible for processing what we see. This means we respond to danger even before we consciously realize we've seen it. This is fantastic because it allows both animals and humans to react instantly when danger is upon them. When the brain believes there's no way out, all it can do is protect the body and mind from pain, leading to swirling suicidal ideation or suicidal behaviours.

The problem with the thinking that suicide is selfish is that it misses the underlying function and mechanism. Just like a person isn't selfish for running away from danger, they aren't selfish for having suicidal thoughts or dying by suicide. Thankfully, we can learn different and life-reclaiming ways to cope when we feel stuck and make life what we want it to be. If you know someone struggling with suicidality, help them by encouraging them to seek therapy where they can gain tools to see alternative views and paths.

Til next time,
Tanya Rae