Intimate Partner Violence (IPV): Where do we go from here?

If you think about cycles, you will notice that they continue like a chain reaction. One link connects to the next, and to the next, and so on. The only way to break a cycle is to remove or break one of the links. The cycle of abuse needs to end, because the reality remains that over time the honeymoon phase gets shorter and shorter, until it feels non-existent.

Once out of an abusive relationship, people often ask, “why did I stay so long?” It’s important to note that the honeymoon phase, among many other reasons, is what keeps people in the cycle of abuse, because it gives a partner a glimpse of what life could look like if things were “good” or their now abusive partner was loving to them. It’s also crucial to remember that the perpetrator was once the love of your life. Even if they weren’t, they were someone you cared for deeply. It was the relationship you wanted – until it wasn’t.

In other cases, the risk of leaving is great, and extra support is needed to ensure safety for both the survivor, family members and anyone in close contact with the survivor. Financial constraints and economic instability are still primary factors that prevent victims of IPV from being able to leave relationships that are abusive.

If you are looking for ways to help, consider donating to shelters, and other organizations that support the ending of IPV. If someone confides in you that they are feeling unsafe or are being abused, believe them. Support can look like checking in on a friend, helping them navigate systems to get the support they need, and reassuring them that you’re there with them. Speak up – you have a voice. IPV is not going to disappear into the shadows or suddenly stop becoming an issue. It’s woven into the very fiber of our society, but we can be the change we want to see.

If you are in a relationship where IPV is present, know that you’re not alone. Tell a friend or family member, call a crisis line, connect with a therapist that is trauma-informed and has experience working with IPV. Develop a safety plan with them, and remember that safety is primary.

It’s not too late to reach out and to get help or help someone in an abusive relationship. Let’s break the silence.