Attachment Trauma

Jumping off from our last blog post about “What is Trauma?” we’re going to dive into several different types of trauma and explore what “Attachment Trauma” is specifically. 

To start, there are 5 different types of attachment. Going into each of those in depth is a whole different blog series, but we’ll do a quick overview here.

The five types of attachment are: anxious, avoidant, disorganized, secure, and earned secure.

• The Anxious Type of Attachment is when someone typically has a deep fear of abandonment and a strong desire for closeness and want reassurance from those closest to them.

• The Avoidant Attachment style is when someone often has a fear of being too dependent on others, and they value their independence and self-reliance.

• Disorganized Attachment style is displayed through back and forth behaviours. There is often a deep fear of abandonment and a deep fear of being too attached to others.

• Secure Attachment style is when someone feels comfortable with intimacy and independence, they tend to have a positive view of themselves and others.

• Lastly, earned Secure Attachment style is when someone intentionally focuses on personal growth and healing and shifts their attachment style in healthy relationships. 

Now that we’ve done a summary of attachment styles, what does it mean to have Attachment Trauma? I’m so glad you asked! It refers to the negative impact that happens when someone has a figure that they are attached to - typically a parent or caregiver and there is a harmful action in the relationship that causes a fracture between each other. This can happen in many forms. Some of these could include neglect that is chronic, abuse, separation and loss, inconsistent behaviour by the parent/caregiver, and changes in primary caregivers. 

Having these types of occurrences happen in a child’s life - which is when the majority of attachment trauma happens - can cause long term challenges. These can cause a lot of anxiety for a child, which causes them to pursue the caregiver, withdraw from them, or fluctuate between the two. This teaches the child that they cannot rely on others, and so they have to either please and appease them or avoid them so as not to bother them. 

This can play out in people’s lives in various ways. It can look like people pleasing both at work and in personal relationships. Sometimes it leaves the person with an extensive amount of anxiety around people leaving so there is consistent pursuit of reassurance and connection. On the opposite side of the spectrum, it can look like completely withdrawing into one’s self and their immediate world whether that’s work or hobbies. It often shows up as chaos in relationships, a back and forth, “I love you, I hate you” pattern. These types of attachment traumas can impact people’s ability to emotionally regulate, causing an increase in anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and addictive behaviours. 

Now, if as you’re reading this, you’re having dots connect in your head, you’re not alone. Many of us have attachment trauma; however, the beauty is that we can shift some of these attachment styles to an earned Secure Attachment style by working through the traumas that have happened in our lives. If you’re wanting to learn more, feel free to reach out. Someone on our team would be happy to talk with you. If you’re not at the place where you’re ready to talk to someone about this stuff, start reading and journaling. Start thinking about where you’ve been hurt, who that was, why it was that you were hurt, and how you responded to it. Once you do that, ask yourself “What would it look like to either lean into relationships instead of withdraw? What would it look like for me to ground myself and not pursue someone when I’m in a heightened space?” These are great questions to start the process of healing. 

Stick around for our next blog as we dive into more types of trauma.